Imposter syndrome, is that you?

Recently, I attended a mentorship seminar where we discussed a viral nemesis among graduate students: imposter syndrome. The topic of imposter syndrome has stayed far too long in my drafts, I just couldn’t find the right time to write about it. I thought maybe at some point I would get over the syndrome completely and finally have the guts to discuss it. Since that is not happening soon, here it goes.

For context, let me briefly update you on my grad school status. By God’s grace, I am a doctoral candidate in the field of geomicrobiology. I started my fourth year this fall, got married a month before beginning my PhD program in 2021, and became a mom in my third year, precisely a week after my qualifying exam. I continue to be a lifelong student. Praise God from whom all blessings flow; my life has been and shall be enabled by Jesus Christ. Despite all these hats I wear, you would think my confidence level would be off the charts. Well, not so. One minute, I’m giving myself some nice pep talk, the next I am asking my husband to remind me again why I shouldn’t quit. Imposter syndrome is a feeling of incompetence–a perceived notion you are not qualified to do what you do or who you are. You are constantly waiting for when the show is over and reality sets in.

But why is this syndrome common, especially among achievers–those who are actually doing something? Why is grad school, which ideally should boost your confidence, a classic triggering factor for imposter syndrome? I’m glad we ask these questions; now let’s unpack them together (briefly).

Congratulations on starting graduate school! Wow! You nailed that faculty position, job, or grant, etc. The irony is that you would think, “I finally did this! I deserve some respite.” But the reality is, you just committed to the starting line. For grad students, the complexity of graduate school and the roles we take on are meant to push us out of our comfort zones and familiar territories so that, with God’s help, we can attain higher levels of skill, training, or expertise. My late mom had a saying: “If education is expensive, try ignorance.” Each time she said this to us, the message was that the process of education is pricey (in terms of finances, emotions, ego, delayed gratification, time), but it is worth it because ignorance will cost you more. In the process of learning, we are exposed to new challenges that make us question ourselves: Am I smart enough? Can I do this? I really don’t understand this concept but I’m trudging along to see if eventually I will get it, I think I joined the wrong lab, I am handling an impossible project, maybe I didn’t learn anything after all, I’m not meant for this etc...Imposter syndrome, is that you?

If you look carefully, the syndrome of imposter manifests in various ways, and usually, they are intertwined with our personalities. For example, a perfectionist or an overachiever might take things too far, they want the project executed without a fault but in reality that is not possible. When you can’t attain that level of expectation, you begin to feel less of yourself. Sometimes when things don’t go as planned, you start feeling inadequate. We talk down on what we’ve accomplished and start associating with just luck. As a scientist, I like to cite cause and effect. Newton’s third law of motion states that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. I would say imposter syndrome is an effect (or reaction) while grad school expectations are the cause (action). We are too fixated on the cause that we forget to step out and look at a broader perspective.

Looking at the bigger picture will expand our perspective about our failures. We would eventually see the gradual process of becoming a better version of ourselves, and start appreciating our failures. Don’t take things too personally. Look back to stay thankful and grounded; you’ve come a long way, now look forward with hope and enthusiasm. I dare say to enjoy the process and accompanying embarrassment that comes with learning. The goal is you are being trained to become better. Let us pray to God to help us break away from the bad cycle of imposter syndrome. Don’t let success be a validation of your worth, and don’t let failure be one either.

In our faith journey, overcoming imposter syndrome would be hinged on looking upward to God for help. When our identity is defined in Christ, nothing can take it away. Remember biblical leaders like Moses, Paul, Mary, Gideon, David, and many more with their struggles and insecurities. While writing this, I stumbled on an article that alluded to feeling like an impostor as a Christian (Lord have mercy! Romans 5:8) Imposter Syndrome and the Christian Life – Open the Bible. As Christians, when we realize all the Lord has brought our way is for His glory, not for self-glory or ego, then we will better embrace the complexities of grad school that are out to make us feel undeserving.

Say this “Yes, I am undeserving of this phase, not everyone has this opportunity, and since the Lord in His mercy chose to gift this to me for a purpose I will try my best and trust Him to help me till the end. In my failures, I will learn. In my success, I will rejoice and be thankful. At the end of the program, I will be better and God will take the glory”. Amen!

Attending that seminar was very resourceful, and it was refreshing to listen to other students talk about their experience with imposter syndrome. Viola Davis’s discourse on imposter syndrome brought a positive perspective to it. She says “It keeps one humble, and you keep working”. All the best in combating imposter syndrome. Here are a few scriptures for the road.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV).

 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5 (NIV).

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you. Isaiah 26:3 (NIV).

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 (NIV).

 “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! Mark 9:23-24 (NIV).

I wish everyone all the best this semester/season. Congratulations to the graduates among us! Until next time, you’ll find me in the lab dealing with my failing and working experiments. ✌🏾🤌🏾🤞🏾👋🏾

You can find more blogs here BeD.E.B.O.R.A.H. – (bedeborah.com).

Special note: Would you give your life to Jesus Christ? He is the way, the truth and the life. If yes, please pray the prayers below:

Lord Jesus, thank you for your death and resurrection for the salvation of my soul. Please forgive all my sins. I choose you today to follow and to obey. May your love and the holy spirit lead and guide my purpose for your glory. Thank you, my Lord and savior. Amen!

Grace and blessings,

Olushola.